1 6 / 0 4 / 0 4:
's u b a u t i s t i c a n d s h e l t e r e d'


"there is no such thing as murder in politics. you know as well as i do, my dear boy, that in politics there are no people, only ideas; no feelings, only interests. in politics, you don't kill a man, you remove an obstacle, that's all."

-from 'the count of monte cristo' by alexandre dumas

turns out the eritrean embassy is just down the road from where i live, in a tiny office building on white lion street. a little piece of africa in islington, a couple of doors down from the '£5 haircut' place. o so multicultural. it's been there for years and i've never noticed. not that it really matters, i have no plans to visit eritrea anytime soon: "warning... landmines are a major problem"

trojan spam wisdom: "avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. the fearful are caught as often as the bold."

take the empathy quotient (eq) test - http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/flash/page/0,13249,937836,00.html

while i'm well aware that i'm not exactly touchy-feely, i have to say i was surprised to score a paltry 14... lower than some autistics who apparently, on average, score 20 (the average for 'normal' men and women is in the mid to high 40s). o well.

ruse emails to wish me "a happy 'crucify a fraud' day". not sure i've ever heard it said better.

american john appeared sunday morning, looking slightly disheveled and said "someone's found my dead body". not something you ever expect to hear someone say. he regularly cycles down by regents canal and has been expecting, nay hoping, that one day he would find a corpse. it seems that some teenagers have done just that. he sees this discovery as having his name on it. he was robbed. shame.

bald stars? - http://baldstars.fineststars.com/baldstar/index.htm

trojan spam wisdom: "do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. the right will appear. you need only give it a chance."

hostess elisabeth's oldest friend (who we'll call 'chaz' for reasons too bizarre to go into) rings her on the phone. the lives other people lead. chaz is currently going out with the editor of a well known women's erotica website and spent easter watching hardcore pornography starring her flatmate. i'm sure jesus would have approved. if this wasn't enough, he thinks he may have been slipped rohypnol at the pub the other night, as he just made it home before he went numb from the toes up and promptly collapsed into unconsciousness. as far as he can tell no actual 'date-raping' occurred but still... o, and last week he nearly fractured his penis. i really do lead a boring, sheltered existence.

somewhat sinister spam:

"position any mobile phone on a map

how? very easy with ______ ____ communications ltd !
four new gps technologies.

simply enter any uk mobile phone number and you get accurate position on a map !
perfect to control the location of your employees, spouse and children.

try it free for 15 days on

* vodafone, orange, t-mobile, o2, virgin mobile networks are fully

i'll add this to the long list of reasons why i don't own a mobile phone (freedom is slavery).

say goodbye to hours of your life: www.lowbrow.com

junkpile (slight return) outside the house, this time including a discarded mr. blobby doll. ah, mr. blobby, surely that was the best job in showbiz. irritating as fuck to watch but whoever was inside the costume was basically given carte blanche to assault celebrities with zero repercussions. have you never wanted to hurt noel edmonds? exactly. not since rod hull and emu has so much violence been perpetrated upon the 'great and good' for entertainment purposes. now that was a worthy occupation. it should have been me.

trojan spam wisdom: "fear is a great inventor."

you know, life can really be an amazing thing, an incredible accident, a bizarre and unbelievable "ride". human beings are capable of extraordinary things, great art and literature, achievements in engineering, in philosophy, medicine... and yet still the population of my retarded little island seems to be fixated twenty four hours a day, seven days a fucking week on a mentally subnormal clotheshorse football player and his emaciated pig-like wife, and whether or not one or more of them managed to persuade some other poor moron to get naked with them. it's not that i'm surprised so much as the constant barrage of this shit can't help but wear you down. the question must be forced into the public arena: what use are these people? and if you're at all interested in them: what use are you?

i still say sterilse everyone who buys hello magazine at the point of purchase. we do not need these people, or their offspring.

the only good celebrity is a tied up celebrity - http://www.underduress.com/DID.htm

recommended: (audio) 'trans-europe express' -cd- by kraftwerk / (comestible) jacket potato with beans, cheese and 'shaved ham' / (visual) *censored* (but it's not what you think) / (sensorial) a deserted road at night glimpsed through a window, for the merest moment somehow suggesting something apocalyptic

reviled: (audio) ash's pointless cover of the buzzcocks' 'everybody's happy nowadays' / (comestible) gristle / (visual) a return of the landfill site outside my front door / (sensorial) being strapped to, and sealed inside, a large swelteringly hot, unfeasibly heavy foam rubber egg; no, really

and finally, what makes peta blue?:

"riviere-du-loup, que. -- prime minister paul martin says he is revolted by a new anti-meat campaign that exploits a horrific killing spree in british columbia.

the billboard campaign sponsored by people for the ethical treatment of animals features a picture of a young woman and another of a pig, with the slogan "neither of us is meat."

it is an apparent reference to the case of robert pickton, the b.c. pig farmer charged with murdering 15 women.

relatives of the murder victims have condemned the peta campaign, which is coming to major cities across the country.

martin says there are ways to support a cause, but this isn't one of them. he says the ads are unacceptable."

perhaps a more honest and appropriate slogan would have been "both of us are meat", or even "we are all meat"?