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'l i t h o t r i p s y r e v e a l e d'



(unhappy origami frog courtesy of hostess elisabeth. flick its arse, it hops!)

tomorrow i go in for my e.s.w.l. (extracoporeal shock wave lithotripsy), or to the layman, to have my remaining kidney stones zapped with sound waves; to learn more about the procedure: www.geocities.com/hotsprings/villa/5556

in an email, mr. liles suggested this as a possible transcript of tomorrow's treatment:

">slip crack whack
> beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> beeeeeeee be be be be be beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
> weve lost him "

thank you liles. apparently the "slip crack whack" bit is "as you slide off the sonic bed whack yer head and half the machine whacks into your chest" apparently.

mysterious hum update: american john thinks it's probably the heating system from the block of flats opposite. he's probably right but it does take away some, if not all of the mystery doesn't it?

below is a picture of the object that was thrown through hostess elisabeth car's driver's side window last saturday night. discovered on sunday morning. glass everywhere. it had been thrown with sufficient force to put a significant dent in the inside of the passenger door. spent all day sunday driving around chingford trying to track down a man willing to insert perspex. my dad informs me that the object itself is called a 'stud extender'. now there's a name for a band.

went to the cinema yesterday. halfway through the film a man got up to go to the toilet. he tripped, stumbled, tripped again and fell over. the whole cinema laughed out loud at him. he never returned from the toilet… would you?

and while we're on the subject: the cinema. how fucking difficult is it to just sit still and shut up for a couple of hours? why is it always me that has to tell people to shut up? idiots.

below is a quick overview and description of the forthcoming unsong remixes (which are finally finished!), the cdrs are available individually -£5 each, or all together -£25 for the set of 6 (+p&p).

disc #1: 'she became a cobweb in my hands' becomes 'she became a whisper in my hands' - 32:27 - minimal / sub bass / panning / empty / minimal

disc #3: 'the frailty of angels, the treason of people' becomes 'the treason of angels, the frailty of people' - 39:27 - tonal / drones / piano / grating / processed mozart

disc #4: 'zero rapture' becomes 'the rapture of nothing' - 34:20 - crackle / glitch a-go-go / waves of shriek / pulse / hiss-a-rama

disc #5: 'the germ is divided' becomes 'pandemia' - 31:16 - layered cello / bell-like sound / overlapping tick-tock /grumbling

disc #6: 'phenakism' becomes 'a forked tongue' -31:18 - twisted nun melody / drones / loops / stunted beeps / cacophonous

each remix cdr is basically one idea stretched to absolute breaking point. it's 'music' to be put on and left alone, left to develop, sometimes at the crawl of a glacier, sometimes somewhat more jarring and unexpected. you never know, you might even enjoy it, stranger things have happened… that tattooed pig for instance: www.compassnet.com/andyfeehan

so, i went and had my eswl (extracoporeal shock wave lithotripsy). mild discomfort my arse. because i hadn't been told to eat before the procedure, they were unable to give me the pain relief medication and so all i had to rely on was the suppository i was told to shove up my arse before we started (there was a new experience -believe it or not). consequently, it hurt like the proverbial bastard. it starts with a feeling like someone's flicking you in the back but then the internal pain makes itself known. the treatment was supposed to last 30 minutes. i had to tell them to stop at around 17. and now i have to go in for more in a few weeks. the doctor got all arsey with me because every lithotripsy treatment costs £2000 but fuck her, i wasn't there to impress anyone, i was in agony and had i been informed of the whole eating/drug thing, the situation would have been very different.

and now i'm pissing through a tea strainer. jesus.

recommended: (audio) 'othello as noise opera'- cd - tetsuo furudate / (comestible) extra strong scottish cheddar / (visual) mulholland drive - film - directed by david lynch / (sensorial) finally finishing the frailty/treason remixes

reviled: (audio) 'songbird' by oasis / (comestible) mayonnaise with too much lemon juice / (visual) alan titchmarsh's irritating face / (sensorial) the agonising lithotripsy