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'u n i d e x t e r n o m o r e'


"we have already lost, so we will win
we shall lose many, we shall kill few
the one we kill, smiling stranger,
will be you."

-from 'yonder stands your orphan' by barry hannah

this week somebody actually said to me: "well if you can't stand behind your country, what can you stand behind?" maybe i'm just a covert optimist buried under a ton of denial (unlikely) but i can't help but be surprised every time i come up against such stupidity.

the aircast and the crutches are history. i am once again a biped (if a somewhat awkward and ungainly one). at my final visit to the fracture clinic they gave me a last x-ray and told me it was all healing as expected. "do you want to keep your x-rays?" asked the consultant, handing them to me in a huge brown envelope "um, yeah, but... don't you want them?" i asked. he made a dismissive gesture. "oh we'd only lose them." came the reply.

behold my breakage:

o, and now hostess elisabeth has broken a toe. it seems i've started a trend.

there would appear to be a competition underway between the shop downstairs and my next door neighbour to see who can wake me up / piss me off the most. currently it's neck and neck. i love living slap bang in the middle of london but sometimes the idea of living in a house in the middle of fucking nowhere, divorced from the plague of 'other people', seems very appealing.

"ever felt like murdering your neighbor for blasting music too loud?"
"that's exactly what 78-year-old retired farmer lambrinos lykouresis did two years ago in lithakia, on the greek island of zakynthos. lykouresis, who claims he had complained to his neighbor for months and only wanted to listen to the evening news in peace, suddenly snapped. on May 31, 1996 he got up from his armchair, took his hunting rifle from the shelf, hobbled over to the neighboring apartment and rang the bell. when 40-year-old housewife imberia boziki answered the door, he fired three times at point-blank range, killing her instantly and wounding her 24-year-old son..."


let's get one thing straight. despite the entertainingly inventive 'ringtones' cd out on touch, real ringtones are not music. ringtones are merely the latest marketing ploy that huge record companies have latched onto to bleed money out of the young and stupid, offering a spurious 'individuality' while giving nothing of any worth in return for their £3 or however much these things cost. "want to further augment your unnecessary technology sir? right this way, and perhaps some old rope to go along with it?" just say no kids.

last night's dream: i was in the bath and realised that i'd left my watch on. the face had become steamed up where water had gotten in so i took it off and placed it on the windowsill. i soon realised that it still felt like i was wearing it. i looked down at my wrist. no watch. still i could feel it. i tried to take off the invisible watch only to find that the watch in question was under the skin and therefore impossible to remove. little analysis necessary.

out for a drink with 'the boys'. due to the hot weather, mr. liles suggests we go all noel coward and order a jug of pimms and gin. which we do. three times. plus beer. mr. cheeses informs us all, a little too enthusiastically, that the ukraine is the largest country in europe "fact". um, ok. having had enough hot pimms action we make our way towards waterloo station for something to eat and stumble across 'the fishcoteque' perhaps the greatest named fish and chip emporium i've ever come across. it fails however to live up to the name: limp chips and watery curry sauce. cheeses goes for a fish cake. as the moving walkway in the tube station comes to an end, mr. cheeses trips and falls, fishcake akimbo. mr. roast and myself laugh so hard it's agony. i can hardly walk. shame about the fishcake though.

i've found that if i play the hafler trio's 'no more the twain, of one flesh: 11 unequivocal obsecrations' at a fairly low volume, it seems to cancel out certain frequencies from the bastards downstairs and render life somewhat more livable...

"back to bassics: when neighbors are hosting an all-night rave, what you mainly hear from their sound system is the bass, which penetrates walls and minds with irksome ease. now dutch electronics giant philips has developed the ultra bass sound system whose speakers, instead of actually producing bass notes, exploit the principle of the "missing fundamental" to create the illusion of sound. complex tones consist of a low fundamental frequency and a series of higher frequencies called harmonics. if the human ear hears harmonics without their corresponding fundamental, the brain supplies the missing tone by itself. in ultra bass, philips removes the music's fundamental bass tones while filtering the harmonics that accompany them back into the signal. the result: the rhythms of bass notes dance only in partygoers' heads--and neighbors have peaceful nights."


walking around a supermarket yesterday i was suddenly struck with a powerful sense of being alive. not, i hasten to add, a particularly great feeling, not a feeling of joy or indeed of depression just a feeling of being... present, of being me, in that moment, alive. and then along with that feeling came the sense of just how absurd the whole thing was, the whole thing, life, everything.

"some days you wish you'd married an ugly woman and somebody in your world would stay grateful... and do their job and smile."

-from 'yonder stands your orphan' by barry hannah

recommended: (audio) 'durstiges tier' by neubauten / (comestible) 'softi' chew candy / (visual) mr. cheeses' fall / (sensorial) an oscillating fan

reviled: (audio) take a wild guess / (comestible) monday curry -insufficient steepage / (visual) fucked up monitor settings / (sensorial) the s t i f l i n g heat

"our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we, they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

-george w bush