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'b o d i l y m u n i t y
a n d w o m b l e s

 

the debut unsong release: 'the frailty of angels, the treason of people' is now at the pressing plant. release date likely to be late october/early november 2002.any untoward imperfections spotted by the listener can be shoved right up their arse. i'll leave the pursuit of perfection to those stupid enough to believe in its existence. or perhaps i'm just covering myself for my half-arsed and slipshod production skills…? the decision is yours.

on tuesday i'm told i passed a kidney stone. the word a g o n y doesn't even begin to describe the feeling. i can't say i recommend it. my right kidney felt like it might explode. vomiting was also involved. plus the ambulance man's first attempt to put a needle into a vein in my arm was singularly unsuccessful. can't say i recommend that either. the word o u c h doesn't do it justice. one of the gadgets in the hospital x-ray room looked worryingly like a huge espresso machine. no one said "stat" once.

is it just me, or do london underground staff look like some kind of strange gay nazis in their natty blue uniforms?

yes, i too am cursed with the plague that is mtv. get thee behind me. is it just me or does 'no one knows' by queens of the stone age sound like a cross between status quo and the theme from magnum p.i.? and is that necessarily a bad thing?

"this is this, this ain't something else, this is this."

after years of waiting i finally got to see the band oxbow live. they were, quite frankly, incredible. eugene robinson paces the stage screaming and crying out with such furious pain that the audience cannot help but stare; rubberneck might be a more accurate phrase. it's like watching a dynamic mental breakdown set to music. he strips down to his underwear, he weeps, he drools, he grimaces, he stares daggers, he, ahem, plays with himself. this man is a maniacal genius fuck machine. but is this self indulgent performance therapy session? or avant garde audio wank? is it fuck. oxbow create sounds of blistering disordered rock and roll madness unequalled in scope, variety and pure, balls-out (often literally) honesty. buy their latest album 'an evil heat', buy all their records, listen, listen and learn.

www.theoxbow.com

the gig took place at that cathedral of pretension, the ica. the ica. awful people awful place. it has that lofty air of somewhere that can tell you, the common man, what is artistically viable and what isn't. the worst thing of course is that securing a gig there is to be taken seriously, merely for your momentary geography, no matter what you do (and i speak as someone who has, many years ago, performed there), and no, before you ask, of course i wouldn't turn down a gig there; they've got us all by the short and curlies. so much shit masquerading as the worthwhile and the valid, permitted to masquerade because of the right palms greased, the proper influences quoted, the fashionable colleges attended. are you in with the in crowd? but of course it's the same all over. as big dave once put it: fashion. turn to the left. or am i just sounding like a bitter old drama queen? beep beep.

apparently tectonic plates move at about the same speed that your fingernails grow.

a new hoover (or to be more accurate vacuum cleaner) in the house. a 'dyson rootcyclone'. so many buttons to click, attachments to attach, bit and pieces to slide, shift and snap into position. a design marvel. showing his age, flatmate john describes it as being like a transformer (robot in disguise rather than electrical voltage gizmo) and showing my age i know exactly what he means.

i'm drinking so much fucking fluid, i'm pissing like a race horse.

we have pregnant seamonkeys, soon to hear the pitter-patter of tiny… what? feet? flippers? tendrils? perhaps now we're breeding thoroughbreds it may soon be possible to use the official seamonkey race track. honestly. i kid you not.

"how healthy are your stools? researchers at bristol royal infirmary have come up with what they describe as a "user-friendly" seven-point scale 'the bristol stool form scale' against which you can measure your own stools.
1. separate hard lumps, like nuts.
2. sausage-shaped, but lumpy.
3. like a sausage or snake but with cracks on its surface.
4. like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.
5. soft blobs with clear-cut edges.
6. fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool.
7. water, no solid pieces.
your stools are healthy if they fall into categories 3 or 4."

a statement: "children are just retards with career prospects" discuss.

arrangements are still somewhat up in the air but i hope to premiere unsong as a live outfit this november in new york. it may still all fall through but rehearsals have begun and i hope to post some works in progress from these rehearsals on the web site… keep em peeled for updates.

recommended: (audio) 'legions in the walls' -cd- by daniel menche / (comestible) fish finger sandwich with peanut butter and marmite / (visual) picture of andrew liles wearing a small toupee / (sensorial) pain relief medication

reviled: (audio) children crying on public transport / (comestible) cockles in vinegar / (visual) vomit in the bath / (sensorial) that fucking kidney stone

and finally, remember you're a womble:

"london, england -- a bizarre legal battle over a minute's silence in a recorded song has ended with a six-figure out-of-court settlement. british composer mike batt found himself the subject of a plagiarism action for including the song, "a one minute silence," on an album for his classical rock band the planets. he was accused of copying it from a work by the late american composer john cage, whose 1952 composition "4'33"" was totally silent. on monday, batt settled the matter out of court by paying an undisclosed six-figure sum to the john cage trust. batt, who is best known in the uk for his links with the children's television characters the wombles, told the press association: "this has been, albeit a gentlemanly dispute, a most serious matter and i am pleased that cage's publishers have finally been persuaded that their case was, to say the least, optimistic. "we are, however, making this gesture of a payment to the john cage trust in recognition of my own personal respect for john cage and in recognition of his brave and sometimes outrageous approach to artistic experimentation in music." batt credited "a one minute silence" to "batt/cage." before the start of the court case, batt had said: "has the world gone mad? i'm prepared to do time rather than pay out. we are talking as much as £100,000 in copyright. "mine is a much better silent piece. i have been able to say in one minute what cage could only say in four minutes and 33 seconds." batt gave a cheque to nicholas riddle, managing director of cage's publishers peters edition, on the steps of the high court, in london. riddle said: "we feel that honour has been settled. "we had been prepared to make our point more strongly on behalf of mr cage's estate, because we do feel that the concept of a silent piece -- particularly as it was credited by mr batt as being co-written by "cage" -- is a valuable artistic concept in which there is a copyright. "we are nevertheless very pleased to have reached agreement with mr batt over this dispute, and we accept his donation in good spirit." "a one minute silence" has now been released as part of a double a-side single. "

- from cnn.com